Resources for Gold Star Families: Finding Support and Guidance

When a service member dies in the line of duty, the loss can be wide-reaching. In the months and years that follow, the affected families may face both emotional and practical challenges — navigating grief and major life changes, understanding survivor benefits, finding support systems, and rebuilding stability after loss.1 2

The term “Gold Star Family” is used to recognize the loved ones left behind. The designation both carries honor and reflects a reality that’s often complex, deeply personal, and ongoing.

Support exists, though it isn’t always easy to find in one place. This guide brings together trusted resources for Gold Star Families, along with context around the challenges they may face, to help make their path forward a little clearer.

The experience of losing a loved one in military service is deeply personal, and no two families navigate it in exactly the same way. Still, research and lived experience point to several common challenges that can shape the months and years that follow. Understanding these challenges can help make sense of the support that many families seek over time.

Emotional and mental health challenges

Grief after a loss doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. Some individuals gradually find ways to adapt, while others experience more persistent or complicated forms of grief that can affect daily life, relationships, and long-term well-being.2 4

For Gold Star Families, this process can be further shaped by the circumstances surrounding the loss. Sudden or traumatic deaths — which are common in military contexts — may increase the risk of prolonged grief, depression, or symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress.3 6 In some cases, survivors may find themselves revisiting the loss repeatedly, especially during anniversaries, milestones, or life transitions.

Many families also face the challenge of rebuilding meaning and identity after loss. The death of a spouse, child, sibling, or parent can fundamentally reshape how individuals see themselves and their future, requiring an ongoing process of adjustment rather than a single period of mourning.5 7

The loss of a service member can create sudden changes in household income, benefits, and financial planning. While programs such as Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) and the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) are designed to provide support, understanding and accessing these benefits isn’t always straightforward. Families may need to manage detailed paperwork, eligibility requirements, and evolving policies during an already difficult time.

In some cases, gaps in coordination between agencies or delays in benefit delivery can add additional stress, particularly in the first year after a loss.8 Over time, these financial considerations can influence housing decisions, career paths, and overall stability.

Family and identity changes

The loss of a service member often reshapes a family's structure and identity. Surviving spouses may take on new roles that involve managing finances and making long-term decisions alone. Parents who lose a child may experience a profound shift in how they relate to their family and community.

These changes are not only practical but also deeply emotional. Families may find themselves adjusting to a different future than the one they had envisioned, while also maintaining a connection to the person they lost. This dual process — holding on while moving forward — can take time and may look different for each individual.5 7

Impact on children

Children in Gold Star Families often experience grief in ways that evolve as they grow. Younger children may struggle to fully understand the permanence of loss, while adolescents may process it through changes in behavior, mood, or academic performance.

Research suggests that children who lose a parent in military service may face increased risks of anxiety, depression, and difficulties in school, particularly if additional stressors are present in the home.7 9 At the same time, many children demonstrate resilience when they have access to stable support systems, open communication, and age-appropriate resources.

Because children revisit grief at different developmental stages, support often needs to continue over time rather than being limited to the immediate aftermath of loss.

Social and community challenges

For many Gold Star Families, one of the less visible challenges is a sense of isolation. Military communities often provide a strong built-in support network, and losing that connection — whether through relocation or life transitions — can make it harder to find others who understand the experience.

Some families also report feeling a disconnect when engaging with civilian communities, where fewer people share similar experiences or know how to respond to military loss.10 This can make conversations about grief feel more difficult and, in some cases, lead individuals to withdraw socially.

At the same time, research consistently shows that strong social support plays a critical role in long-term adjustment after loss, reinforcing the importance of connection, peer support, and community-based resources.11

Connecting with others who understand military loss can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide support after loss.11 Many families find that peer groups, survivor organizations, counseling services, and community programs offer spaces where they can connect with others who share similar experiences.12

Peer support and survivor networks

• America's Gold Star Families: provides advocacy, remembrance programs, peer support, and community resources for families who have lost a loved one during military service
• Gold Star Wives of America: provides support specifically for surviving spouses through advocacy, community events, and opportunities to connect with others navigating similar life changes
• American Gold Star Mothers: supports mothers who have lost a child in military service, through local chapters, peer support, and remembrance-focused programs
• Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS): offers peer mentoring, grief support groups, survivor seminars, retreats, virtual communities, and 24/7 assistance for families grieving the loss of a service member
• National Military Family Association (NMFA): offers retreats, family-focused programs, and resources for military families navigating major life transitions after loss

Professional counseling and crisis support

• VA Mental Health Services: provides mental health services, including grief counseling and trauma-informed care, to eligible survivors and family members
• Vet Centers: offer free, confidential counseling to veterans and their families, including bereavement counseling related to military loss
• Military OneSource: provides confidential support resources, online tools, and connections to military family services, including resources related to grief and transition
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: connects individuals with trained counselors 24/7 for immediate emotional support during moments of crisis or distress

Gold Star Families may also need support related to survivor benefits, education, housing, and long-term financial stability. The programs below can help families better understand available benefits and access additional support when needed.

Survivor benefits and financial assistance

• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs: provides information and access to survivor benefits, including Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC), burial benefits, survivor pensions, and healthcare eligibility for qualifying family members
• Defense Finance and Accounting Service: manages military pay and survivor-related programs, including the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP), which can provide ongoing monthly income to eligible spouses and dependents
• TAPS Casework Assistance: helps families navigate survivor benefits, paperwork requirements, and transition-related challenges after a military loss

Scholarships and educational support

• Fisher House Foundation: provides scholarship programs for military children and spouses, along with additional support initiatives for military and veteran families
• Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation: helps provide college scholarships and educational counseling for children who have lost a parent in military service
• NMFA Scholarship Programs: offers educational scholarships and resources for military spouses, including support for families adjusting after loss

Housing and emergency support

• Army Emergency Relief: provides emergency financial assistance to eligible Army families, including support related to housing, travel, and unexpected expenses
• Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society: offers emergency financial assistance, educational support, and transition resources for eligible Navy and Marine Corps families
• Air Force Aid Society: provides emergency assistance and support programs for Air Force and Space Force families facing financial hardship or unexpected expenses

Children often process grief differently depending on their age and stage of development.7 9 Many organizations offer age-appropriate programs and resources designed to help children and teens navigate loss in supportive, structured environments.

Camps and programs for grieving children

• TAPS Good Grief Camp: pairs children and teens with military mentors while providing activities and structured support designed to help young people process grief alongside peers
• Comfort Zone Camp: offers grief-focused camps and programs for children, teens, and families coping with the loss of a loved one, including military-connected families
• Snowball Express: a program of the Gary Sinise Foundation that provides events, community programs, and support opportunities for children and surviving family members

Tools for navigating grief with children

• Dougy Center: a Portland-based organization that offers nationally accessible articles, toolkits, and grief resources tailored to children, teens, and caregivers navigating loss
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network: provides educational resources on childhood grief, trauma, and emotional support strategies for families and caregivers
• Sesame Workshop: maintains grief resources designed for younger children, including videos and activities that help families talk about loss in age-appropriate ways

A note for parents and caregivers: What a child needs at age six may look very different from what they need as a teenager or young adult. Many families find that grief conversations change as children grow older, making consistent support and accessible resources especially important.

When someone experiences a profound loss, it’s common for friends, coworkers, and extended family members to feel unsure of what to say or do. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, which can sometimes lead to distance or silence over time.

In reality, support doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. For many Gold Star Families, a consistent presence and small acts of compassion can matter far more than having the “right” words.

To support a Gold Star Family, keep in mind that it isn't your responsibility or place to fix grief or remove pain. Just be present, continue showing up, and listen without judgment.